Dear Mama,
I can't handle all the thoughts and feelings I have all at once right now.
1. I am past the point of tired.
2. I am a little hungry.
3. I am a little thirsty.
4. I tried to communicate about this umbrella, but you didn't understand.
5. I wanted you to repeat what I was saying, but you repeated the wrong words.
6. I really need a few extra kisses and hugs.
7. I see you are in the middle of cooking, but I can't wait until you're done.
Please see that this is me not knowing what to do with frustration. I was frustrated a little bit ago when I couldn't move that chair the way I needed to. It helped when you noticed and suggested I try a different angle. Then I was frustrated with your shoes that wouldn't fit me, but I figured out I like the flopping noise they make down the hall. I hugged your leg and asked to be picked up in my nice voice and you said your hands were full and you could in a minute. Well, I stopped counting when the minute got past 6 seconds....
.......Finally, this umbrella, this blasted thing. I can't bend it and it's too long to fit in the cupboard. I can't take it anymore. If I don't have the strength of The Hulk to make this work, I'll just freak out. Plus, my belly feels funny and my head hurts a little. Yep, just going to...Freak OUT!
I hear your voice from around the corner. I try to understand that you have got your hands full of raw chicken breast and you can't come sit next to me or scoop me up. I don't want you to save me from my emotions, but moral support IS helpful. Thanks for telling me to sit down when I'm throwing this fit because at least I won't run my head into a wall, like I've done while upset before. Thanks for talking in a calm soothing voice. And finally, thanks for asking if I want to go to bed. Yes! I want to go to bed!
In all seriousness, I'm so thankful you acted on it quickly today. Sometimes you ask, and I say yes and immediately, I start feeling better. It's kind of like when you're starving and just sitting down at a restaurant makes you feel better. Then after you have mentioned bedtime, when I stop crying, sometimes you think you have just a couple more minutes to "finish up" what you are doing. Just so you know, "finishing up" takes a century in my eyes. A CENTURY. While I wait a century, I get all worked up again. The more times I get worked up, the harder it is for me to calm down enough for sleep. Not that you have to follow my measly suggestions, but maybe just do what you did tonight, when I start to break down. Maybe we could all avoid that heartbreak.
My tantrum triggers are, exhaustion, hunger, and frustration all building at the same time. I'll lay it out, just so you know. The new game plan is to ask if I'm ready for bed and listen to my answer. Mama, you know me, and you know I don't agree to bed unless I'm tired. You also have never known me to refuse bedtime if I am tired. Just keep trusting me Mama.
Keep trusting me and communicating openly, I'll try to learn how to keep these emotions in check. I can't tell you how long it will take, but I can tell you I'll try my best as long as you work with me to figure it out.
Sorry again for my break down tonight. I know it will be better in the morning. Love you bushels and pecks and to the moon and everything those books say.
Seriously love you,
Your sleepy Kami Lou
Here is a link to dealing with temper tantrums however infrequent they might be in your house. http://www.teach-through-love.com/temper-tantrums.html
Mama says this is not a debate of which is better. This is an issue of the heart.
As a toddler, I proclaim to LOVE strollers. "Stroller to Toko? Stroller to park? Emi's stroller, Gabriel's stroller for a walk? I ride in too?"
The thing is, I put on a big show that I'm dying to ride in these contraptions. Mama has never cared either way whether I like them or not. My theory is that her indifference drives me to them. If she were to insist I ride in one regularly for hours at a time, she would definitely need bribes. Shockingly enough, when I ride in the Ergo (backpack) for hours, the only reason I want down is because I see something I want to get my hands into.
Mama strapped me into this stroller to go to Tokyo. I am checking out my surroundings while I settle into my spot on the train. It has been the first time using one (of my own) in months. Based on my insistence of riding with Emi in her stroller, Mama thought the love would naturally carry over. Let me tell you, it didn't.
I started squirming on the train and didn't stop upon arrival. Daddy and Mama thought movement was the issue, so we weaved our way through the crowd at lightening speed. Tears start coming and I ask, "Up please. Out. Mama, help please." I rode the rest of the day between the pouch sling Mama brought, her arms, and Daddy's arms and shoulders. Well, they tried to put me back in the stroller a couple times, but the action was met with whimpering, my face burying into their shoulder, and me clawing to stay in their arms.
Some people would say I just need to suck it up and get with the program. Sometimes, I agree. I am a toddler learning boundaries of love and respect. The "mind of my own" that I do have is fickle. One minute I am convinced I need to take all my clothes off and the next I am happy to put on all of my coats at one time. Mama knows this and does not cave in to every little whim. No matter how fun taking the lids off all the baking supplies would be, she makes sure I don't.
This thing with the carrier is more than a battle of wills. I have had the pleasure of being close to Mama every day (and most days Daddy too) since I have been born. I love the feeling when she is close.
In a carrier, she talks to me the whole time and we do everything together.
In a carrier, she can hear what I'm saying.
In a carrier, she can see what I am talking about when I say, "This? this?"
In a carrier, she tells me the names to everything I ask.
In a carrier, she gives me kisses and nuzzles more than any other time of the day.
In a carrier, she pets my cheek and plays with my hair.
In a carrier, she explains everything she is doing and I try new words.
In a carrier, she can feel me tense up or relax with a change of scenery.
In a carrier, I see what she is doing.
In a carrier, I can see if she is smiling or serious (if I'm on the front).
In a carrier, I can snuggle.
In a carrier, I can go down a slide, up a ladder, or anywhere she goes.
In a carrier, I feel her heart beat.
In a carrier, I match her energy.
Though Mama is not against strollers, there are certain behaviors she notices afterward when I ride in them for more than a short walk. Apparently, I begin to have problems following directions. I begin to have a hard time communicating my feelings. I get frustrated easier. I become clingy and whiny. I have a need to be in between Mama's legs when she is cooking or doing dishes (which is different on a day when she packs me in a carrier). Any little tiny thing makes me upset. Generally, I act like an overtired, clingy, insecure version of myself. At first Mama thought it was just one day, just that situation. Turns out, it's not. She uses me for experiments and we've done this one quite a few times.
Luckily, this unusually terrible behavior can be remedied with lots of kisses and snuggles. Sometimes, she will put me in a wrap just for around the house. With a little TLC I turn back into my normal, obedient, helpful, independent, loving, little self.
Mama doesn't think carriers are the answer for every situation with every single baby. However, she truly believes that they can turn a grumpy baby attitude right side up again. Hormones, breathing, and temperature can all be regulated through some close face to face time. Babies and toddlers of all ages need to hear their mama's and daddy's heartbeat and feel that warm pocket between the chin and shoulder that is perfect for their little head. Of course hugging, kissing, and snuggling can happen anytime, anywhere without a baby carrier. We just notice a big difference in our house on the days I get packed around in one and the days it doesn't happen at all. Mama does realize that the norm in our house is baby wearing, so that's what feels like "home" to me. Other kids feel "at home" in a stroller, car seat, or pack and play. There are benefits to baby wearing and Mama notices severe behavioral differences based on whether or not it is part of our day.
A little history about our baby wearing adventure....Mama carryied me practically nonstop from my birth to three months. After that, she spent 80% of my waking hours packing me around until I was around a year old. During the first year or so, Mama believes a concept called, "nine months in, nine months out." Basically, it means that she carried me inside for nine months, and then she wants to tote me around (in her arms or in a wrap) on the outside for the next nine months. It compliments another concept called "the fourth trimester". Find out more about that here,
http://babycalm.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-is-only-happy-in-your-arms-30/.
At first Daddy and Mama would just pack me around in their arms. Once they got tired of doing chores one handed, they would wiggle me into a Moby wrap, a ring sling, a pouch sling, or a woven wrap. I had no preference and I loved them all. This site can help you choose one for you http://babywearinginternational.org/pages/typesofcarriers.php OR you can just try them all out like Mama did. We tried many for free and have found that most mamas who love to "wear" their babies will openly share information and let you try on their wrap stash.
Mama has a few favorite wraps and soft carriers, there is one for every occasion. We have been so many places together during our baby wearing adventures! Cities, country roads, parks, marinas, ferry boats, trains, buses, climbing (down Godzilla's tail slide), zoos, museums, hiking, playing, and everything in between. Here are some examples in the last few months.
I have even started baby wearing adventures of my own. Regular chores while my baby is close are the best. "Shoes in closet. I do it.... I can stir it. Stir slowly. Here, you watch."
Have you started your baby wearing adventure yet?
