"Discipline is an external boundary, designed to develop internal boundaries in our children." -Henry Cloud and John Townsend in the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes and How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life.
What I can gather out of all this boundary talk is that she is setting boundaries in our relationship so that setting boundaries comes naturally to me. I get it. It's all a part of being consistent. A veteran dad who has raised two responsible, goal oriented, respectful boys once or twice or three times told Mama there is only one really big "rule" for discipline. This important "rule" to remember is... to be consistent. That's it? That's all? Maybe it's harder than it seems?
Kids like to know what to expect. If I can sometimes wiggle during a diaper change, but other times I get in trouble for moving my arms and legs, it can be confusing. Currently, Mama Roo and Daddy Bear are still figuring out what my boundaries will be. I can bounce on the couch when I'm on Daddy's lap, not with Mama, and never by myself. I can touch the mirror with Mama, but not when Daddy is here. I guess they just have to keep communicating, because it seems you have to evaluate the situations as they come. Even if you lay out a game plan for raising babies, new circumstances will usually send a parent back to the drawing board. Thankfully, some decisions are no-brainers like, "No, it's never acceptable to put your hand on the hot stove. Yes, it's always acceptable to say please."
Mama and Daddy are both consistent in their own way, but still need to discuss which way will be the hard and fast rule. However, there are times when you don't need a hard and fast rule. Mama likes to change my clothes standing up. Daddy Bear likes to do most of it laying down. There is no right way and I am accustom to both. I lay down automatically for Daddy and later the same day hold Mama's arms for support before she even starts the dressing procedure. I understand and can adapt to different ways Mama and Daddy get chores done.
I hope this boundaries book will help Mama find the answers she needs to guide me into becoming an adult that thinks for myself. I hope she comes to understand that hard and fast rules are great as long as there is support, hugs, and room to make mistakes.
Figuring it out with Mama one book at a time,
Kami Lou
Mama and Daddy are both consistent in their own way, but still need to discuss which way will be the hard and fast rule. However, there are times when you don't need a hard and fast rule. Mama likes to change my clothes standing up. Daddy Bear likes to do most of it laying down. There is no right way and I am accustom to both. I lay down automatically for Daddy and later the same day hold Mama's arms for support before she even starts the dressing procedure. I understand and can adapt to different ways Mama and Daddy get chores done.
I hope this boundaries book will help Mama find the answers she needs to guide me into becoming an adult that thinks for myself. I hope she comes to understand that hard and fast rules are great as long as there is support, hugs, and room to make mistakes.
Figuring it out with Mama one book at a time,
Kami Lou
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