Boys and Sports According to Opa

Mama says Opa is very wise.

Opa Fish raised four boys with Oma. They saw every kind of personality and every kind of behavior, good and bad. Together, they experienced all the laughter, silliness, discussions, and arguments that come with four personalities trying to find their place in the world.

Sports are important to Opa. He says many lessons can be learned on the field that you can apply successfully to real life. There is a way to support children through sports while letting them feel your love and pride. Other parents find a way to drown kids with pressure and lecturing, using examples of what the kids did wrong during the game or practice. Most parents fit somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. Opa says you can never spoil a kid with love. He used love to balance all the other aspects of sports with his four boys over the course of  28 years of coaching, watching, and supporting their games. 

Like everything else in life, finding the balance of support for each child is the ultimate goal. There are a few topics, behaviors, and situations that present themselves very often in sports. Handling them in stride, this is what Opa has to say.....

1. ATTITUDE

Opa reminds his boys attitude is EVERYTHING. If you have a good attitude about playing, your failures will be new learning experiences and your successes are taken in stride without developing a big ego. Bad attitudes will ruin you, not just as a player, but your character as a person. Opa insists bad attitudes are not tolerated or allowed in his house or on his field. How you react to a failure or a set back is just as important as making the right play or move is what he would repeat over and over through the years. 

2. Failure: 

Opa talks about how sports games are a series of wins and losses. He uses baseball as an example more than any other sport. In baseball, the other team HAS TO mess up for you to score. So at bat, the pitcher "messes up" and you get a hit. The fielder "misses it" for you to get on base. You can't be hard on yourself or your child every time someone has a small win or they make a small mistake. Opa would constantly talk about the fact that many hall of fame athletes in baseball strike out 7 out of 10 times. 30% success rate, in real life you would lose your job, but in baseball that's normal. In sports, you have to lose to get better.

3. Critique

After the game, Opa would choose not to talk most of the time. When reading his boys body language to see how they felt about the game, he would let them elaborate and mostly not say anything. If there was any criticism he had to share about their performance, he would ask, "Can I make a suggestion?" Sometimes the boys would say yes. Most of the time, in the moment, they would say no. Later the boys would usually come around and say, "Ok dad, what was I doing?" He would tell them something like, "You were keeping your hips closed instead of open or you weren't looking at the ball when you were batting. I can work on it with you in the back yard as much as you want." It would always be a critique they could work on and improve for their next match up.

4. Closure

After a game, they got in the car and the only thing Opa would say is, "That was fun." Every time.....that's all he said. I'm sure it came with a big smile sometimes and solemn look other times. Mostly, the idea he wanted to communicate is that he just loved watching his boys play. He didn't care if they won or lost and he didn't say anything about it either way. They would drive home talking or in silence but almost never in anger.

5. Motivation

Opa actually didn't cheer much or loudly for his boys. He was usually their coach, so that was one reason he didn't make a big display of their success. It may seem counter-intuitive, but it also meant that mistakes weren't met with him kicking the dirt, disapproving looks or cursing. The most acknowledgement the boys got was a head nod to know they made the right choice or the right play. The head nod was only when Daddy or his brothers looked over and needed a little reassurance. 

Daddy reflected that he knew Opa was proud of him based on those little things. Daddy also knew he could never let Opa down with his performance. The worst game in the world would happen and Opa would get in the car and say "That was fun." Daddy said he was internally motivated to work on game plays and his own performance. My daddy was his own worst critic, Opa never tried to take that job from him.

6. Coaching vs. Fathering

Opa loved to help and was almost always available to run plays, play catch, or bat around. They spent many afternoons at practice with the whole team and evenings working one on one in the backyard. Having a good example set by their father, the brothers would help each other too. Catching balls for the practicing pitcher or batting grounders to each other was a common site. Opa tried not too push them too hard insisting they practice until they get it perfect. Mostly, he let them be their own judges to when they felt like they were done for the day. Spending time with his boys was enough for Opa, so watching them develop into amazing athletes, brothers, and leaders was just a bonus.

Talking to Daddy about Opa is so great. Daddy has the most amazing relationships with his mom and dad, my Oma and Opa. They have lots of wisdom when it comes to raising boys who love sports.

Out of Oma and Opa's four boys, three played sports in college on full scholarships. The other got offered a small scholarship to play at a smaller school and declined it. Two went on to play in the minor leagues. One played internationally. All the boys still love sports and love their dad. That has to count for something.

I just hope that Opa's secrets are something my Daddy can duplicate. I like sports too!